I guess I’m way way overdue for an update here…
My life has been out of sorts the last couple of months.
For the first time in years I don’t know what is coming next for me. I finish my degree in December, but I failed to get a chartered accountant articling student job. That combined with the failing economy has made me very depressed lately. I haven’t felt this depressed for an extended period for years. I don’t like the uncertainty of my future.

Maybe it’s the depression talking, but it seems like nothing ever works out for me the way I want it to.

This has been a strange fall.
I finished chemo on September 1, just barely. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’m still not entirely back to normal, my skin still has marks on it, and I have weird feelings in my hands and feet sometimes. At least my hair finally started to grow again.
I made it to Disneyland last month, which was fun but extremely crowded. I really want to go back again. At Disneyland you don’t feel the worries of the rest of your life.

Usually I would start to look forward to Christmas around now, but not this year. Christmas just signals the end of the year and is another reminder that I have no job for 2009, and no idea what to do.

I hate being put in a position where I have to react, I prefer to be proactive and create my future, not react to external actions that limit my future.

I don’t know what I’m doing, as the title suggests, I feel lost…

3 thoughts on “Lost…

  1. Hang in there. I completed BEP 5/07 age 54. It does get better but it takes time. I struggle with regaining my drive and have had a bout with depression. Currently on meds for depression. Bottom of my feet are numb and my ears ring all the time. But I am alive. I like Lance’s philosphy of living strong. That’s what it takes now and life will never be the same. I want to forget the chemo/cancer but always remember if that makes sense. Start exercising regulaly if you can. It really helped me. But start out slow.


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